This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
