I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
