My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We are all done wearing pants today
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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