If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
