If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
