Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
