i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Just pee around me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
