I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
