Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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