i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
