R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
