I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
