are you still at the devil's house?
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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