There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
