my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
