there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
