He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
