I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
