I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
