Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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