Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
