It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
