he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
