Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
