I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
