the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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