This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
