i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
