Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
