Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
