Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
