There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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