i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
