I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Too much gin, very little bucket
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
