I cockslap morals
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
