I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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