Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
