Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
