He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
