Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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