I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Randomize
