I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
A+ Viking dick
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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