How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Boobs are out for the taking
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
