i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
