This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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