you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
