oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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