Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
