my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
