just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
