I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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