I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
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