With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
