someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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