I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm both gender and math confused
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
