I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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