So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
