I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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