Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
