I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
